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Social psychological theories of attraction in online dating

Module 12: Attraction,Share This Book

The social psychological theories of attraction reflected in online dating profiles include the theory that people like others who are comparable to them. As such, profiles often include  · Psychologist would say this is a science. Sites such as eHarmony say they use a scientific approach to matching couples based on compatibility. eHarmony has had success Answer and Explanation: The social psychological theories of attraction reflected in online dating profiles include the theory that people like others who are comparable to them.  · This means that people are more likely to get along with others who look and think the same as themselves (PSU WC, ). Thus ditch that old saying “opposites attract”, and ... read more

Equity theory Walster et al. First, it states that individuals will try to maximize outcomes such that rewards win out over punishments. Second, groups will evolve systems for equitably apportioning rewards and punishments among members and members will be expected to adhere to these systems. Those who are equitable to others will be rewarded while those who are not will be punished.

Third, individuals in inequitable relationships will experience distress proportional to the inequity. Fourth, those in inequitable relationships will seek to eliminate their distress by restoring equity and will work harder to achieve this the greater the distress they experience. The goal is for all participants to feel they are receiving equal relative gains from the relationship.

According to Hatfield and Traupmann if an individual feels that the ratio between benefits and costs are disproportionately in favor of the other partner, he or she may feel ripped off or underbenefited, and experience distress.

So, what can be done about this? In the first case they can inaugurate real changes in their relationships, e. the underbenefited may well ask for more out of their relationships, or their overbenefited partners may offer to try to give more.

Relationships can take on a few different forms. This leads to what are called intimate or romantic relationships in which you feel a very strong sense of attraction to another person in terms of their personality and physical features. Love is often a central feature of intimate relationships. What is love? and expresses a human virtue that is based on compassion, affection and kindness.

Robert Sternberg said love is composed of three main parts called the triangular theory of love : intimacy, commitment, and passion. First, intimacy is the emotional component and involves how much we like, feel close to, and are connected to another person. It grows steadily at first, slows down, and then levels off. Features include holding the person in high regard, sharing personal affect with them, and giving them emotional support in times of need. Second, commitment is the cognitive component and occurs when you decide you truly love the person.

You decide to make a long-term commitment to them and as you might expect, is almost non-existent when a relationship begins and is the last to develop usually. If a relationship fails, commitment would show a pattern of declining over time and eventually returns to zero. Third, passion represents the motivational component of love and is the first of the three to develop.

It involves attraction, romance, and sex and if a relationship ends, passion can fall to negative levels as the person copes with the loss. This results in eight subtypes of love which explains differences in the types of love we express.

For instance, the love we feel for our significant other will be different than the love we feel for a neighbor or coworker, and reflect different aspects of the components of intimacy, commitment, and passion as follows:. Take note of the word perceived here. The threat does not have to be real for jealousy to rear its ugly head and what causes men and women to feel jealous varies. From an evolutionary perspective, jealousy is essential as it helps to preserve social bonds and motivates action to keep important relationships stable and safe.

But it can also lead to aggression Dittman, and mental health issues. John Gottman used the metaphor of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse from the New Testament to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. Though not conquest, war, hunger, and death, Gottman instead used the terms criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

An example might be calling them selfish and saying they never think of you. It differs from a complaint which typically involves a specific issue. For instance, one night in March my wife was stuck at work until after 8pm. I was upset as she did not call to let me know what was going on and we have an agreement to inform one another about changing work schedules. Criticism can become pervasive and when it does, it leads to the other, far deadlier horsemen. The second horseman is contempt which involves treating others with disrespect, mocking them, ridiculing, being sarcastic, calling names, or mimicking them.

The point is to make the target feel despised and worthless. It must be eliminated. Defensiveness is the third horseman and is a response to criticism. When we feel unjustly accused, we have a tendency to make excuses and play the innocent victim to get our partner to back off. Does it work though? Defensiveness will only escalate the conflict if the critical spouse does not back down or apologize.

Stonewalling is the fourth horseman and occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, or stops responding to their partner. They may tune out, act busy, engage in distracting behavior, or turn away and stonewalling is a response to contempt.

Conflict is an unavoidable reality of relationships. The good news is that each horseman has an antidote to stop it.

According to the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and any thought we might have about getting revenge on someone for past wrongdoing.

So what are the benefits of forgiving others? Our mental health will be better, we will experience less anxiety and stress, we may experience fewer symptoms of depression, our heart will be healthier, we will feel less hostility, and our relationships overall will be healthier.

We may even be bitter not only to the person who slighted us but extend this to others who had nothing to do with the situation. We might have trouble focusing on the present as we dwell on the past and feel like life lacks meaning and purpose. But even if we are the type of person who holds grudges, we can learn to forgive. The Mayo Clinic offers some useful steps to help us get there. First, we should recognize the value of forgiveness. Next, we should determine what needs healing and who we should forgive and for what.

Then we should consider joining a support group or talk with a counselor. Fourth, we need to acknowledge our emotions, the harm they do to us, and how they affect our behavior. We then attempt to release them.

At times, we still cannot forgive the person. They recommend practicing empathy so that we can see the situation from their perspective, praying, reflecting on instances of when you offended another person and they forgave you, and be aware that forgiveness does not happen all at once but is a process. With the close of this module, we also finish the book.

We hope you enjoyed learning about attraction and the various factors on it, types of relationships, and complications we might endure. As we learned, conflict is inevitable in any type of relationship, but there is hope.

Never give up or give in. Module Attraction by Washington State University is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4. Skip to content Module Overview It was important to end the book on a positive note.

Module Outline The Need for Affiliation Factors on Attraction Types of Relationships Predicting the End of a Relationship Module Learning Outcomes Describe the need for affiliation and the negative effects of social rejection and loneliness. Clarify factors that increase interpersonal attraction between two people. Identify types of relationships and the components of love. Describe the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as they relate to relationship conflicts, how to resolve them, and the importance of forgiveness.

The Need for Affiliation Section Learning Objectives Define interpersonal attraction. Define the need for affiliation. Report what the literature says about the need for affiliation. Define loneliness and identity its types. Describe smiling and how it relates to affiliation. Describe play and how it relates to affiliation. Define attachment. List and describe the four types of attachment.

Clarify how attachment to parent leads to an attachment to God. Describe the effect of loneliness on health. Describe social rejection and its relation to affiliation. Defining Key Terms Have you ever wondered why people are motivated to spend time with some people over others, or why they chose the friends and significant others they do?

Who wants to take online courses? Seiver and Troja found that those high in the need for affiliation were less, and that those high in the need for autonomy were more, likely to want to take another online course. Their sample included college students enrolled in classroom courses who had taken at least one online course in the past. Though our need for affiliation is universal, it does not occur in every situation and individual differences and characteristics of the target can factor in.

One such difference is religiosity and van Cappellen et al. In this case, religiosity did not predict affiliation behaviors. Is loneliness a disease, needing to be listed in the DSM? Development of Affiliation and Attachment Chat-up lines may sound like a bit of fun, but all romantic relationships are built on reciprocal self-disclosure — the mutual exchange of intimate information with a partner.

Deciding when and how to disclose intimate information to a new partner is an important part of every romantic relationship and can be the difference between an honest, healthy relationship or a closed, stunted one.

Also, playing hard-to-get almost never works. Giving the impression of dislike is unlikely to spark attraction because it goes against the grain of reciprocity. Finally, despite what many people think, opposites very rarely attract. In fact, decades of research has shown that attraction is most likely to be sparked when two people perceive themselves as being very similar to each other.

But similar how? It could be similarity in terms of sociodemographics — most relationships are formed between people who are similar in terms of age, social class, occupational background, and so on. But more important than sociodemographics is similarity of values — everything from musical tastes to political orientation. But when someone agrees with us, they validate our worldviews and as result we want continuing contact with that person. Knowing all this, is it possible to predict with any accuracy whether two people will form a stable relationship?

Probably not. One the difficulties with these sorts of predictions is that relationships are complex and often messy. For a start, relationships are stressful and stress can sometimes make us behave in strange ways.

All of this makes it difficult to know in advance how relationships will turn out in advance. Viren Swami is speaking on Attraction explained: The science of how we form relationships, at the Cambridge Science Festival. Write an article and join a growing community of more than , academics and researchers from 4, institutions.

But personality has some natural patterns, so it's a good guide. And if my questionnaire helps you understand yourself and kiss fewer frogs — great! Just in time for Valentine's Day, Match. com, which bills itself as "the world's largest relationship company," has released its fifth annual Singles in America study.

The study is funded by Match. com and conducted by Research Now in association with biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher , Match's Chief Scientific Advisor, and evolutionary biologist Dr. Justin R. Garcia of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. Fisher said, "and after five years of interviewing them, my colleagues at Match and I have found definite patterns to how singles seek and find love, as well as their habits and attitudes.

They want it all, and many believe they can get it all. I think they can, too. This year's survey compared data for the online dater with that of the offline dater. Can emojis — those little icons that "express" feelings that you can insert into text messages and on Facebook Messenger — help your sex life? Apparently so. The study found a correlation between emoji use and a better and more robust sex lives.

Fisher said the survey also showed that the era of the macho man was over. And finally, an answer to Freud's question, what do women want? David Levine Dlloydlevine is co-chairman of Science Writers in New York SWINY and a member the National Association of Science Writers NASW.

He served as director of media relations at the American Cancer Society and as senior director of communications at the NYC Health and Hospitals Corp. He has written for Scientific American , the Los Angeles Times , The New York Times , More magazine, and Good Housekeeping , and was a contributing editor at Physician's Weekly for 10 years.

He has a BA and MA from The Johns Hopkins University. New research reveals the best color for women, the effects of daydreaming, and the impact of porn on newlyweds. An interview with the Chief Scientific Advisor for Match. com — and the brains behind the Chemistry. com personality test. Author Dr. Michael Bailey speaks about his controversial research on sexual arousal, sexual orientation, and how genetics may play a role.

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Elsevier Connect. View by community or topic. Library Connect. Societies' Update. Healthcare Professionals. Home Elsevier Connect Online dating — the psychology and reality. Online dating — the psychology and reality A science writer explores dating sites like Match. com, Tinder, eHarmony and Chemistry, interviewing experts along the way By David Levine Posted on 12 February When my marriage ended 11 years ago, I went online.

com, eHarmony, Lavalife and Zoosk all have mobile dating apps for your Smartphone.

It was important to end the book on a positive note. So much of what is researched in social psychology has a negative connotation to it such as social influence, persuasion, prejudice, and aggression.

Hence, we left attraction to the end. We start by discussing the need for affiliation and how it develops over time in terms of smiling, play, and attachment. We will discuss loneliness and how it affects health and the related concept of social rejection. We will then discuss eight factors on attraction to include proximity, familiarity, beauty, similarity, reciprocity, playing hard to get, and intimacy.

The third section will cover types of relationships and love. Finally, relationship issues are a part of life and so we could not avoid a discussion of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. No worries. We end the module, and book, with coverage of the beneficial effects of forgiveness.

Have you ever wondered why people are motivated to spend time with some people over others, or why they chose the friends and significant others they do? If you have, you have given thought to interpersonal attraction or showing a preference for another person remember, inter means between and so interpersonal is between people.

It is important to point out that we affiliate with people who accept us though are generally indifferent while we tend to belong to individuals who truly care about us and for whom we have an attachment. In terms of the former, you affiliate with your classmates and people you work with while you belong to your family or a committed relationship with your significant other or best friend. The literature shows that:. Loneliness occurs when our interpersonal relationships are not fulfilling and can lead to psychological discomfort.

In reality, our relationships may be fine and so our perception of being alone is what matters most and can be particularly troublesome for the elderly.

Tiwari points out that loneliness can take three forms. First, situational loneliness occurs when unpleasant experiences, interpersonal conflicts, disaster, or accidents lead to loneliness. Thus, it also makes a person sick and interferes in day to day functioning and hampers recovery…. Loneliness with its epidemiology, phenomenology, etiology, diagnostic criteria, adverse effects, and management should be considered a disease and should find its place in classification of psychiatric disorders.

Smiling and affiliation. As early as weeks after birth, children smile reliably at things that please them. These first smiles are indiscriminate, smiling at almost anything they find amusing. This may include a favorite toy, mobile over their crib, or even another person. Smiles directed at other people are called social smiles. Like smiles directed at inanimate objects, they too are indiscriminate at first but as the infant gets older, come to be reserved for specific people.

These smiles fade away if the adult is unresponsive. Smiling is also used to communicate positive emotion and children become sensitive to the emotional expressions of others. This indiscriminateness of their smiling ties in with how they perceive strangers.

Before 6 months of age, they are not upset about the presence of people they do not know. As they learn to anticipate and predict events, strangers cause anxiety and fear. This is called stranger anxiety. Not all infants respond to strangers in the same way though. Infants with more experience show lower levels of anxiety than infants with little experience. Also, infants are less concerned about strangers who are female and those who are children.

The latter probably has something to do with size as adults may seem imposing to children. Important to stranger anxiety is the fact that children begin to figure people out or learn to detect emotion in others. They come to discern vocal expressions of emotion before visual ones, mostly due to their limited visual abilities early on.

As vision improves and they get better at figuring people out, social referencing emerges around months. When a child is faced with an uncertain circumstance or event, such as the presence of a stranger, they will intentionally search for information about how to act from a caregiver.

So, if a stranger enters the room, an infant will look to its mother to see what her emotional reaction is. If the mother is happy or neutral, the infant will not become anxious. However, if the mother becomes distressed, the infant will respond in kind. Outside of dealing with strangers, infants will also social reference a parent if they are given an unusual toy to play with.

If the parent is pleased with the toy, the child will play with it longer than if the parent is displeased or disgusted. Play and affiliation. Children are also motivated to engage in play. Up to about 1. Between 1 ½ and 2 years of age, children play side-by-side, doing the same thing or similar things, but not interacting with each other. This is called parallel play. Associative play occurs next and is when two or more children interact with one another by sharing or borrowing toys or materials.

They do not do the same thing though. They simply wait for the right moment to jump in and then do so. Though play develops across time, or becomes more complex, solitary play and onlooker play do remain options children reserve for themselves.

Sometimes we just want to play a game by ourselves and not have a friend split the screen with us, as in the case of video games and if they are on the couch next to you. Attachment and affiliation, to people and God. Our attachments during infancy have repercussions on how we relate to others the rest of our lives. Ainsworth et al. The first is a secure attachment and results in the use of a mother as a home base to explore the world.

The child will occasionally return to her. She also becomes upset when she leaves and goes to the mother when she returns.

Next is the avoidantly attached child who does not seek closeness with her and avoids the mother after she returns. Finally, is the ambivalent attachment in which the child displays a mixture of positive and negative emotions toward the mother. She remains relatively close to her which limits how much she explores the world. If the mother leaves, the child will seek closeness with the mother all the while kicking and hitting her. A fourth style has been added due to recent research.

An example might be the child approaching the mother when she returns, but not making eye contact with her. Attachment is also important when the child is leaving home for the first time to go to college. Mattanah, Hancock, and Brand showed in a sample of four hundred four students at a university in the Northeastern United States that separation individuation mediated the link between secure attachment and college adjustment.

The nature of adult romantic relationships has been associated with attachment style in infancy Kirkpatrick, For instance, Protestants, seeing God as distant, use Jesus to form an attachment relationship while Catholics utilize Mary as their ideal attachment figure.

It could be that negative emotions and insecurity in relation to God do not always signify the lack of an attachment relationship, but maybe a different type of pattern or style Kirkpatrick, Consider that an abused child still develops an attachment to an abusive mother or father. The same could occur with God and may well explain why images of vindictive and frightening gods have survived through human history. Perceived relationships with God do not have this quality.

As God cannot affect us, we cannot affect Him. This allows the person to invent or reinvent the relationship with God in secure terms without allowing counterproductive behaviors to retard progress. Pargament defined three styles of attachment to God. Here, God seems to be inconsistent in His reaction to the person, sometimes warm and receptive and sometimes not. The person is not sure if God loves him or not. Kirkpatrick and Shaver note that attachment and religion may be linked in important ways.

Their study evaluated the self-reports of respondents females and 33 males and found that the avoidant parent-child attachment relationship yielded greater levels of adult religiousness while those with secure attachment had lower scores.

The avoidant respondents were also four times as likely to have experienced a sudden religious conversion. They also remind the reader that the child uses the attachment figure as a haven and secure base, and go on to note that there is ample evidence to suggest the same function for God. Bereaved persons become more religious, soldiers pray in foxholes, and many who are in emotional distress turn to God.

Pargament expanded upon the compensation hypothesis and showed that the relationship between attachment history and religious beliefs is far from simple. This is contrary to the findings of Kirkpatrick and Shaver which said that securely attached individuals displayed lower levels of religiosity.

He does not need to compensate for any deficiencies. These insecure parental ties have left the person unequipped to build neither strong adult attachments nor a secure spiritual relationship. How so? Other ill effects of loneliness include greater stimulated cytokine production due to stress which in turn causes inflammation Jaremka et al.

On a positive note, Stanley, Conwell, Bowen, and Van Orden found that for older adults who report feeling lonely, owning a pet is one way to feel socially connected. Those who lived alone and did not own a pet had the greatest odds of reporting loneliness. But the authors offer an admonition — owning a pet, if not managed properly, could actually be deleterious to health.

Being rejected or ignored by others, called ostracism , hurts. No literally. It hurts. Research by Kross, Berman, Mischel, Smith, and Wager has shown that when rejected, brain areas such as the secondary somatosensory cortex and dorsal posterior insula which are implicated in the experience of physical pain, become active.

Online dating — the psychology (and reality),3 comments

Answer and Explanation: The social psychological theories of attraction reflected in online dating profiles include the theory that people like others who are comparable to them.  · This means that people are more likely to get along with others who look and think the same as themselves (PSU WC, ). Thus ditch that old saying “opposites attract”, and  · Psychologist would say this is a science. Sites such as eHarmony say they use a scientific approach to matching couples based on compatibility. eHarmony has had success The social psychological theories of attraction reflected in online dating profiles include the theory that people like others who are comparable to them. As such, profiles often include ... read more

Increase Font Size. First, we should recognize the value of forgiveness. Play and affiliation. Philip Muskin , Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center , is not surprised. Everyone expresses a complex mix these all these traits and we all have had childhood and adult experiences that no test can measure perfectly.

Not all infants respond to strangers in the same way though. She looks for a man who is financially stable and can provide for her children, typically being an older man. It must be eliminated. From emotions to emojis: Match. Now is this a coincidence or science?